Another gift
I’ve gotta buy
A holiday grab bag
For girl or a guy
Another season
Another reason for makin’-- fruitcake
Nobody eats it
It’s hard to digest
It plugs up your plumbing
And you know the rest
It’s not uplifting
It’s good for re-gifting
The holiday fruitcake.
(bridge or middle section)
A di-a-mond is for-ever
A fruitcake is too, I fear
If I give someone a fruitcake
I may get it back next year
Send all the fruitcake
In drones to Iraq
Going that far
I won’t get mine back
Save ammunition
Attack with nutrition
Bomb ‘em with fruitcake
(melody back to very top!)
Please, Governor Christie!
Use that veto power
Cuz you don’t like fruitcakes
I know you won’t cower
In a war of attrition
Create jobs in the kitchen
Makin’ the fruitcake
It’s hard and it’s heavy
When it lands it explodes
No mortar, no shrapnel
Just raisins and cloves
War could be easy
And cleaning up breezy
Hit ‘em with fruitcake
(bridge or middle section)
Make all the Middle East
Safe for De-mo-ra-cy
Picture the Fox News headline:
“U.S. Constipates Enemy!”
This humble bread
Of fruit and flour
Could fin’ly have
Its shining hour
With a new purpose
It could resurface
As a recruit cake!
(Oh, yeahhhhh!)
(Tag with a big finish!)
Just wrap it in foil
(da da da da!)
It ain’t gonna spoil “ “
It’s dark and it’s rich “ “
Like Arabian oil “ “
I’m a pa-tri-ot who “ ”
Has altered her view ‘’ “
Hurray for fruitcaaaaaaaaaaaake!
(Boom! Boom!)
Join us for McCarter at the Museum - renowned performing artists in one-night only events at the Princeton University Art Museum.
Jason Robert Brown is a four-time Tony Award-winning composer and lyricist of The Last Five Years, Parade, Songs for a New World, 13, The Bridges of Madison County, Honeymoon In Vegas and The Connector, has performed as a soloist or with his band in venues around the world, including sold-out shows at the London Palladium and Carnegie Hall. His albums as a singer-songwriter include Wearing Someone Else’s Clothes and How We React and How We Recover on Ghostlight, and Coming From Inside the House and Live In Concert with Stephen Sondheim on Concord.
With Special Guest Tony nominee Betsy Wolfe. Tony Award-nominated actress Betsy Wolfe is currently starring as Audrey in the acclaimed Off-Broadway production of Little Shop of Horrors, following her recent Broadway run as Madeline Ashton in the hit musical Death Becomes Her. She previously originated the title role in Joy, the new musical inspired by inventor Joy Mangano, and earned a 2023 Tony Award nomination for Best Featured Actress in a Musical for her celebrated performance as Anne Hathaway in & Juliet. Other Broadway credits include starring as Jenna in Waitress, Cordelia in the acclaimed revival of Falsettos, Bullets Over Broadway, The Mystery of Edwin Drood, Everyday Rapture, and 110 in the Shade, as well as her critically acclaimed performance as Cathy in the Off-Broadway revival of The Last Five Years. Wolfe made her Metropolitan Opera debut in Die Fledermaus and has appeared as a guest artist with more than 65 symphony, pops, and philharmonic orchestras worldwide, including the New York Philharmonic and BBC Symphony Orchestra, with performances at Carnegie Hall and the Kennedy Center. Her screen credits include First One In, Estella Scrooge, CBS’s Instinct, and the film adaptation of The Last Five Years. Wolfe is also the co-founder of BroadwayEvolved, the acclaimed musical theatre training program she launched in 2018 to train and mentor the next generation of theatre artists.
A limited number of early access tickets for McCarter Director’s Circle members and members of the Museum’s Partner Circle are available, on sale Wednesday, September 16, 2026 at 12:00 PM. General public on sale begins Friday, September 18, 2026 at 12:00 PM.
Please be aware there is no public drop-off or parking at the Museum. For visitors with mobility needs, please contact the Museum at least three business days in advance of your visit to request special access to the Museum via Elm Drive. Call 609-258-3788 and select option 1 to speak to a visitor services staff member, or email Louise Barrett at [email protected].
