“Memory is a Choice”: Leave Nothing Behind investigates the politics of the past at the 2021 New Jersey International Film Festival on June 6.
Leave Nothing Behind, a feature documentary by filmmaker Stephanie Schwiederek, is slated to screen Sunday, June 6th at the New Jersey International Film Festival. The film explores the relationship between Schwiederek and her mother, Anna Schwiederek, who emigrated from Czechoslovakia to the United States, specifically within the context of the 13 years they lived together in a New Jersey motel room. Now, as an adult, Schwiederek opens a dialogue with her mother about their respective recollections of her childhood, as well as the gaps, discrepancies, warmth, and trauma such possesses.
A collage of wandering conversations, archived family photos, and hushed “I love yous,” Leave Nothing Behind is Schwiederek’s messy, mesmerizing attempt to reckon with her past. The many themes which the film investigates include: the marginalization of immigrants in the U.S., the mirage of the American dream, the complexities of mother-daughter relationships, patriarchal violence, the meaning of home, and the construction of memory.
In the first half of the film, we learn a lot about Anna, the visual anchor of the work, as Schwiederek herself is rarely seen on screen. Anna is a lively yet stoic woman. Her eyes light up when she speaks of her own mother and father, and harden when she remembers their fates. Her mother became sick and was sent to a facility when Anna was a child; Anna did not discover until decades later where and when she died. Anna’s father was her hero and wished to visit her in the U.S., but became too sick before he got the chance. By tracking the love and hardship baked into many generations of her family’s history, Schwiederek’s film extends beyond the relationship solely between herself and Anna. Photos of Anna’s parents add a spiritual, eerie sense to the film, their fleeting images lingering like ghosts in the viewer’s mind.
The climax of the documentary, however, arises when Schwiederek confronts her mother about the time Schwiederek was assaulted in the motel, as well as how long afterward her mother knew of the assault. Schwiederek reveals that when she was about ten, an older teenage boy assaulted her in his family’s motel room, and that when she shared this with her mother, she was told she dreamt it. Anna, on the other hand, claims that Schwiederek only briefly told her about the incident after the boy and his mother were long gone from the motel, when Anna could not do anything. The details and timeline of the event and its fallout are uncomfortably debated by Schwiederek and Anna. Vague concessions are made--“I know it was a heavy life sweety.”; “Well that did happen. I think to most of the girls that did happen.”--but the miscommunication and hurt between Schwiederek and Anna are fiercely felt.
In this metaphorical boxing match there is no winner; of course, there never could be. The violence Schwiederek was subjected to was born from a multitude of systems beyond either her or Anna’s control. Mainly, patriarchy, which teaches that women beget the violence men enact on them while oppressively silencing survivors. In fact, we learn Anna was a victim of domestic physical abuse at the hands of her ex-husband, and that Schwiederek doubts Anna’s memory, or at least understands that it may be affected by Anna’s own trauma.
But, beyond that, Schwiederek names another, related force, saying “It’s hard when we live in such a small thing and they’re there… What am I supposed to do?”. Insufficient housing puts people, especially low-income, immigrant, and other marginalized women, into situations which leave them vulnerable to violence, without resources for escape or support. In reality, it is unlikely that Anna or Schwiederek were well equipped to deal with Schwiederek’s assault. Therefore, the brutal intersection of capitalism and patriarchy is exposed, along with the contradictions, precariousness, and devastation it inflicts on those caught within it.
Still, Schwiederek is able to contrast these shadows with some rays of light. She explains that her healing journey has brought her to a good place, in which she can clearly label the perpetrator as the one at fault. Additionally, a sequence of Schwiederek and Anna tenderly cutting each other’s hair reminds us of the intimacy the two share, perhaps a product of living so closely for many years. Amongst the soundtrack of scissor snips and giggles at mistakes, a different kind of love is communicated than that which the pair can accomplish through words.
Finally, a kind of resolution is made, which feels difficult, imperfect, and maybe… like the truth: “We just have a different way of remembering it.” Schwiederek and Anna revisit the quiet remains of the motel they lived in for 13 years, now fallen into dilapidation and surrounded by piles of rubble. At this funeral, one senses a degree of closure has been reached, as Schwiederek and Anna both finally lay the past to rest--in direct protest of the film’s title.
A fascinating, glaring meditation on the past and the personal, Leave Nothing Behind will screen along with two shorts films Safe and The House on Carter Road on Sunday, June 6th at the 2021 New Jersey International Film Festival. More info on this screening here.
Sunday, June 6 – Program 1
Safe - Josema Roig (Los Angeles, Caliornia) A family faces the childish fiction and the stark reality of hearing a bump in the night. 2020; 10 min.
The House on Carter Road - Shawn Gerrard (Toronto, Canada) At the height of redlining in 1968, a black couple and a white couple try to buy the same suburban house in New Jersey. 2020; 10 min.
Leave Nothing Behind – Stephanie Schwiederek (Somerville, New Jersey) An intimate and visceral portrait of the filmmaker’s immigrant mother, her journey to America from Czechoslovakia, and their shared experiences of precariousness living in a motel for thirteen years. Leave Nothing Behind is a documentary film that is deeper than a narrative of my mother’s life, the motel, and our relationship. The film exhibits the schisms and failures of the American dream, a hopeful vision that evidently turns into disappointment. It expresses the condemnation of women in systems, and patriarchal constructs that leave no room for us to progress and thrive. It illustrates the intimate and visceral relationship of mother and daughter within the family structure, while considering the notions of resignation and conflict. 2021; 56 min. .jpg)
Still from the film Safe.
