Here is the interview I conducted with Look at Me Director Taylor Olsen over the internet:
Nigrin: Your feature film Look at Me is a fictional autobiography about an insecure, awkward and lonely bisexual actor who goes on an unwitting journey of self-love in the midst of an eating disorder relapse. Tell us about the genesis of this film and the process you went through to complete it.
Olsen: I was inspired by the Tribeca & Rotterdam hit I Am A Sex Addict where the filmmaker plays himself in the most honest, uncomfortable, and vulnerable work I'd seen at that point (six years ago). I saw an opportunity to adapt my solo play 'Heavy' to the screen and tell my own story as honestly and with as much vulnerability as I could by playing myself much like he did, allowing my journey in the direction towards self-love to hopefully impact and ignite someone on their own journey to loving themselves.
Nigrin: I think the editing of your film is also one of its high points. Tell us about the process of how your film was put together.
Olsen: This film required me to physically change alongside the characters' eating disorder relapse in five distinct time jumps. This required me to lose weight in small amounts in each time jump over a long period of time, and to do so safely I needed time while working alongside a therapist and nutritionist. There were times that I had to push shooting in between time jumps to make sure that I wasn’t rushing the process which is why the film took 1.5 years instead of the initial 12 months I’d planned.
This way of working really affected the edit. I work very hands on with my great editor Shawn Beckwith. We are a creative team, so really we were rewriting the film in big measures in the edit. We'd shoot, cut that sequence, I'd write the next sequence, and then we'd do that on repeat. This also allowed us to do pick up shots, etc. as we were shooting which was a gift. It also gave us time to try anything!
Nigrin: The judges thought your story was very gripping, beautifully shot and had a great message. One judge wondered why you shot it mostly in black and white and had changing aspect ratios.
Olsen: I have always associated black & white film with memories. I was inspired by old black & white still photographs and the aspect ratios and grainy textures they have. Because the film begins in color and is handheld in a pseudo ‘behind the scenes’ style I wanted a shift into the ‘storytelling’. The film begins in this way with me (as my real life self) telling a story about the first time I was self-conscious about my weight. As I am asked if I am “ready to tell my story” we cut into the ‘storytelling world’, a recounting of the things that led to this moment aka memories and we cut into a black & white world (with the fictional version of me) that nearly exclusively uses controlled tripod and dolly camera work.
Alongside the black & white aspect of the film I wanted to use aspect ratios to mirror the claustrophobic nature of what it’s like to have an eating disorder and through the use of aspect ratio match the characters psychology. When the character is feeling more free the aspect ratio is larger (for example, 3:2) but when he is feeling boxed in by his eating disorder it shrinks (for example, 1:1.19). The aspect ratio changes throughout the film to match his psychology and the effects of his eating disorder on his mental health.
Nigrin: You wrote, directed and are the lead actor in this film. How hard is it to direct yourself?
Olsen: I am so lucky to have an incredible team of collaborators around me who make this aspect of the job a lot easier. I learned to direct while acting in my films, so really it's second nature at this point, however I do have to have trusted colleagues behind the monitor or on set to help keep me on the right track - sometimes you hit the mark better than others! There are days where directing yourself is harder than others. Partially because you know when you're truthful and when you're not; you can tell. So sometimes it's hard to move on to the next shot when you only have time for one or two takes or you won't get your day but you know you weren't as truthful as you wish you'd been.
Nigrin: What do you hope audiences will take away after viewing your film?
Olsen: I hope that this film gives audiences insight into what life is like living with an eating disorder, but mostly, I hope it allows us to give ourselves more grace and to recognize that we are all on a journey towards loving ourselves and that that is an important journey.
Look at Me screens at the Fall 2024 New Jersey Film Festival on Sunday, September 15. The film will be Online for 24 Hours on this date. Tickets are available for purchase here.
The 43rd Bi-Annual New Jersey Film Festival will be taking place on select Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays between September 6-October 18, 2024. The Festival will be a hybrid one as it will be presented online as well as doing in-person screenings at Rutgers University. All the films will be available virtually via Video on Demand for 24 hours on their show date. VoD start times are at 12 Midnight Eastern USA. Each General Admission Ticket or Festival Pass purchased is good for both the virtual and the in-person screenings. Plus, acclaimed electronic music artist Jim Haynes will be doing an audio-visual concert on Friday, October 18 at 7PM! The in-person screenings and the Jim Haynes Concert will be held in Voorhees Hall #105/Rutgers University, 71 Hamilton Street, New Brunswick, NJ beginning at 5PM or 7PM on their show date. General Admission Ticket=$15 Per Program; Festival All Access Pass=$120; In-Person Only Student Ticket=$10 Per Program. General Admission Jim Haynes Concert Ticket=$25. To buy tickets go here: https://watch.eventive.org/newjerseyfilmfestivalfall2024
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