New Jersey Stage
New Jersey Stage on social media

New Jersey State Council on the Arts Names Allison Tratner as Executive Director Click here for the story!

INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday Songs

By Rosemary Conte

originally published: 12/25/2017

INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday Songs

What to Do with A Holiday Tradition

(Sing to the tune of “Makin’ Whoopee”)


Christmas is over. Resolutions are done.

Released all my guilt. Except for just one.

The article continues after this ad


In a world where there’s hunger, I threw in the dumpster,

A WallMart  Fruitcake.


Nobody likes it. It’s hard to digest

It plugs up your plumbing. And you know the rest.

It’s not uplifting. It’s for re-gifting, 

Department store fruitcake.


INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday SongsA di-a-mond is for-ever. A fruitcake is too, I fear.

If I gave someone that fruitcake, I might get it back next year.


Keep it in foil. It ain’t gonna spoil,

It’s dark and it’s rich, like Iranian oil 

My guilt is ending. An idea is blending.

For using Fruitcake.


Send all the fruitcake, off to Iraq

Going that far, we won’t get it back.

A drone for the mission, with Trump’s permission, 

To bomb with fruitcake.


We’ll  make the Middle East, safe for Democra-cy

Picture the world-wide headlines: “U.S. constipates enemy”


It’s hard and it’s heavy. It lands and explodes. 

No mortar no shrapnel, just orange peel and cloves.

No collateral damage. That’s an advantage

Of firing Fruitcake


Let’s turn it over… to the FDA

To pull it from stores by April or May

Don’t wanna destroy it…just wanna deploy it,

Department store Fruitcake! 

              (Big, Bill Murray lounge singer finish)

That Wal-Mart Fruitcake!

INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday Songs

Civics Song

(Sing to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”)


Should old b’grudges be forgot

And never left to roam

In minds of Trenton politics

In the state that I call home.


Oh, legislators we don’t want

Our living costs to climb

Please govern so efficiently 

That I keep the house that’s mine!


INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday SongsTo anyone who didn’t show

This past election day

Are you the one who thought your voice

Wouldn’t matter anyway?


Well, thanks, my friend if you showed up

At the polling place to vote

Phil Murphy has some work to do

(Cutting taxes seems remote.)


He’s gotta get that tunnel dug

From “N” “J” to Gotham town

Then find a way to pay for schools

So our seniors stick around.


Be sure to get what you deserve,

Go to council meetings (free)

Speak up about what’s going on 

In your municipality!


Happy New Year! 

For more by this author, click here

State Theatre New Jersey presents Cirque Dreams Holidaze
(NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ) -- State Theatre New Jersey presents Cirque Dreams Holidaze on Friday, December 7 at 8:00pm, Saturday, December 8 at 2:00pm and 8:00pm, and Sunday, December 9 at 2:00pm. Cirque Dreams Holidaze, a division of Cirque du Soleil, has become a critically acclaimed, state-of-the-art Broadway musical, and a fun-filled, holiday family show. Tickets range from $35-$98.
NJSO presents 2019 Winter Festival, 'Music Speaks'
(NEWARK, NJ) -- A trio of renowned guest artists with distinct musical voices—pianists Emanuel Ax and Daniil Trifonov and soprano Dawn Upshaw—headline the NJSO’s Winter Festival, “Music Speaks,” in January 2019. The Orchestra’s signature artistic event takes place across three weekends, January 10–27, in six New Jersey venues.
RVCC Chorale to Perform Annual Holiday Concert on December 8th
(BRANCHBURG, NJ) --The RVCC Chorale will give its annual holiday concert on Saturday, December 8 at 8:00pm in the Welpe Theatre at Raritan Valley Community College’s Branchburg campus. The program will feature Johann Sebastian Bach’s cantata, Das Neugeborne Kindelein, as well as a cappella pieces from by Sergei Rachmaninov, Zoltan Kodaly and Giuseppe Verdi. The program also will include an audience singalong of traditional carols.
Classic Stones Live! The Complete Rolling Stones Tribute Show Comes To SOPAC
(SOUTH ORANGE, NJ) -- The Rolling Stones, the greatest Blues band of all time, couldn’t make it to SOPAC on their 2018 tour. Instead, the acclaimed tribute band Classic Stones Live! makes an appearance on the SOPAC stage December 15 at 8:00pm for those who like to hear their Rolling Stones hits live.
Tony Trischka Presents "Of a Winter's Night" at the Morristown Unitarian Fellowship
(MORRISTOWN, NJ) -- Of a Winter’s Night is Tony Trischka's acoustic celebration of the holiday season. Based on his CD release of the same name, this concert features Trischka’s considerable melodic inventiveness on a wide variety of seasonal tunes. He turns his inventiveness loose on bluegrass and Americana music for the holidays. This one of a kind concert will take place at the Morristown Unitarian Fellowship on Saturday, December 8 at 7:30pm.

"An Amazing Musical Genius!" Brian Wilson LIVE! at the State Theatre
In the music room in the back of our house, there’s an electric bass and amp, two acoustic guitars, a microphone and PA speakers, several pieces of music recording equipment, and a bookcase filled with books on music, not to mention a slew of assorted music memorabilia. But, perhaps, one of the most highly prized items in the room is hanging directly above the piano next to the college music diplomas.
Jazz Saxophonist Don Braden LIVE! at Toms River’s Grunin Center
It’s a breezy day for a new installment of the Jazz On a Sunday Afternoon concert series at Toms River, NJ’s Grunin Center of the Arts this Sunday Oct. 27, 2018 afternoon. Today’s special 3pm performance is entitled Earth, Wind and Wonder and is presented by jazz saxophonist Don Braden.
Charlie Thomas’ Drifters, The Classics IV, and The Brooklyn Bridge LIVE! at The Strand, Lakewood
The stars are out this Saturday Oct. 26, 2018 evening in Lakewood, NJ for a “Golden Oldies” concert featuring Charlie Thomas’ Drifters, The Classics IV, and The Brooklyn Bridge!
PODCAST: Grammy Winner Terri Lyne Carrington At TD James Moody Jazz Festival
Drummer, leader, and composer Terri Lyne Carrington made history as the first woman to win a Grammy for Best Instrumental Jazz for her album “Money Jungle: Provocative in Blue.” Now, she brings her interpretation of Duke Ellington’s “Money Jungle” to the TD James Moody Jazz Festival at NJPAC on November 11, 2018, as part of a program called “Jazz Vinyl Revisited.” Producer Susan Wallner talks to Carrington about her connections to the jazz greats Clark Terry and Max Roach; her newest project, the Berklee Institute of Jazz and Gender Justice; and why she thinks drummers make natural leaders.
Sha Na Na LIVE! at the Newton Theatre
The audience is streaming into the Newton Theatre auditorium in Newton, NJ this Friday, Oct. 19, 2018 for a live concert starring Sha Na Na!

Event calendar
Thursday, Nov 15, 2018


New Politics @ House of Independents, Asbury Park - 8:00pm

THE REPUTATIONS @ The Saint, Asbury Park - 7:30pm

TOTO @ Mayo Performing Arts Center (MPAC), Morristown - 8:00pm


An Actor's Carol @ Cape May Stage, Cape May - 7:30pm

ANNIE, The Musical @ Axelrod Performing Arts Center, Deal Park - 8:00pm

Apples In Winter @ Centenary Stage Company - Kutz Theater of the Lackland Center, Hackettstown - 7:30pm

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat @ The Levoy Theatre, Millville - 7:30pm

Spring Awakening: The Rock Musical @ Black Box PAC, Teaneck - 8:00pm


PARSONS DANCE @ State Theatre New Jersey, New Brunswick - 8:00pm


Crybaby Matinee: March of the Penguins @ Hopewell Theater, Hopewell - 11:00am

View all events


For more on our awards, click here

New Jersey Stage © 2018 by Wine Time Media, LLC | PO Box 140, Spring Lake, NJ 07762 (732) 280-7625 |

Images used on this site have been sent to us from publicists, artists, and PR firms.
If there is a problem with the rights to any image, please contact us and we will look into the matter.