By Rosemary Conte
originally published: 12/25/2017
What to Do with A Holiday Tradition
(Sing to the tune of “Makin’ Whoopee”)
(Verse)
Christmas is over. Resolutions are done.
Released all my guilt. Except for just one.
In a world where there’s hunger, I threw in the dumpster,
A WallMart Fruitcake.
Nobody likes it. It’s hard to digest
It plugs up your plumbing. And you know the rest.
It’s not uplifting. It’s for re-gifting,
Department store fruitcake.
(Chorus)
A di-a-mond is for-ever. A fruitcake is too, I fear.
If I gave someone that fruitcake, I might get it back next year.
(Verse)
Keep it in foil. It ain’t gonna spoil,
It’s dark and it’s rich, like Iranian oil
My guilt is ending. An idea is blending.
For using Fruitcake.
Send all the fruitcake, off to Iraq
Going that far, we won’t get it back.
A drone for the mission, with Trump’s permission,
To bomb with fruitcake.
(Chorus)
We’ll make the Middle East, safe for Democra-cy
Picture the world-wide headlines: “U.S. constipates enemy”
(Verse)
It’s hard and it’s heavy. It lands and explodes.
No mortar no shrapnel, just orange peel and cloves.
No collateral damage. That’s an advantage
Of firing Fruitcake
Let’s turn it over… to the FDA
To pull it from stores by April or May
Don’t wanna destroy it…just wanna deploy it,
Department store Fruitcake!
(Big, Bill Murray lounge singer finish)
That Wal-Mart Fruitcake!
Civics Song
(Sing to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”)
Should old b’grudges be forgot
And never left to roam
In minds of Trenton politics
In the state that I call home.
Oh, legislators we don’t want
Our living costs to climb
Please govern so efficiently
That I keep the house that’s mine!
To anyone who didn’t show
This past election day
Are you the one who thought your voice
Wouldn’t matter anyway?
Well, thanks, my friend if you showed up
At the polling place to vote
Phil Murphy has some work to do
(Cutting taxes seems remote.)
He’s gotta get that tunnel dug
From “N” “J” to Gotham town
Then find a way to pay for schools
So our seniors stick around.
Be sure to get what you deserve,
Go to council meetings (free)
Speak up about what’s going on
In your municipality!
Happy New Year!
Griffin House
Friday, November 13, 2026 @ 7:30pm
Lizzie Rose Music Room
217 E. Main Street, Tuckerton, NJ“If you are looking to be blown away by raw talent, then look no further than Griffin House.” —American Songwriter
Floyd Pink - Celebrating The Music Of Pink Floyd
Saturday, November 14, 2026 @ 7:30pm
Lizzie Rose Music Room
217 E. Main Street, Tuckerton, NJFLOYD PINK is a Pink Floyd tribute band from the New York metro area, celebrating the music of Pink Floyd.
Geoff Tate’s Operation: Mindcrime
Saturday, November 14, 2026 @ 8:00pm
Mayo Performing Arts Center (MPAC)
100 South Street, Morristown, NJMulti-platinum selling, Grammy nominated singer/songwriter Geoff Tate is best known for his 30-plus years as the creative and driving force behind the progressive metal band Queensryche. Since its inception with Geoff at the helm, Queensryche has sold over 20 million albums worldwide and has performed in upwards of fifty countries. Geoff is regarded as one of the most skilled vocalists in the genre with hundreds of modern, popular artists citing him and his former band as a major influence. Combining social consciousness and expertly crafted lyrics with high-energy, melodically complex music, Queensryche with Geoff Tate at the forefront became internationally recognized as the thinking man’s rock band. The band’s first three albums — their self-titled EP (1983), The Warning (1984) and Rage for Order (1986) — all hit gold status selling over 500,000 units each.
Jesse Cook
Saturday, November 14, 2026 @ 8:00pm
NJPAC - Victoria Theater
1 Center Street, Newark, NJA global artist in every sense of the term, Jesse Cook redefines music’s power to connect people across cultures and continents. The Paris-born, Toronto-raised master of the Spanish guitar weaves together flamenco, samba, jazz and world folk traditions into something spellbinding and uniquely his own. On stage, Cook radiates infectious energy — collaborating with his band to craft immersive experiences celebrated for their warmth, precision and emotional depth. With over a billion streams and views across platforms, his sound remains as relevant as it is revered.
Don Mclean & Lee Greenwood
Sunday, November 15, 2026 @ 7:00pm
Mayo Performing Arts Center (MPAC)
100 South Street, Morristown, NJTwo iconic singers perform their hits and celebrate America’s 250 birthday! Singer/songwriter Don McLean is best known for the classic hit “American Pie,” as well as “Vincent” and “Castles in the Air.” Country superstar Lee Greenwood has seven top charting singles, including “I.O.U,” “It Turns Me Inside Out,” and the patriotic favorite, “God Bless the U.S.A.”
EVENT PREVIEWS
NJPAC presents Gregory Porter with special guests Madeleine Peyroux and Catherine Russell
(NEWARK, NJ) -- With a voice that can fill a concert hall and make every listener feel personally embraced, Gregory Porter has become one of the most beloved artists in contemporary jazz. On Friday, November 13, 2026 at 8:00pm, the two-time GRAMMY® winner returns to the New Jersey Performing Arts Center (NJPAC) with special guests Madeleine Peyroux and Catherine Russell for an evening of soulful expression, exquisite storytelling and remarkable vocal artistry, presented as part of the TD James Moody Jazz Festival.
Lizzie Rose Music Room presents Griffin House on Friday
(TUCKERTON, NJ) -- The Lizzie Rose Music Room presents Griffin House on Friday, November 13, 2026 at 7:30pm. Griffin House is an American singer-songwriter and storyteller who has been making records for over 20 years.
KANSAS to perform at Scottish Rite Auditorium on Friday
(COLLINGSWOOD, NJ) -- One of classic rock's most iconic bands, KANSAS, will perform at the Scottish Rite Auditorium on Friday, November 13, 2026 at 8:00pm. This "garage band" from Topeka released their debut album in 1974 after being discovered by Wally Gold, who worked for Don Kirshner, and have gone on to sell more than 30 million albums worldwide. A limited number of tickets remain.
NJPAC presents Jesse Cook on Saturday
(NEWARK, NJ) -- New Jersey Performing Arts Center (NJPAC) presents Jesse Cook on Saturday, November 14, 2026 in the Victoria Theater at 8:00pm. A global artist in every sense of the term, Jesse Cook redefines music's power to connect people across cultures and continents.
Forte Piano Music Company presents Exquisite Contrasts: Haydn & Schubert Piano Trios
(PARAMUS, NJ) -- The Forte Piano Music Company presents a Piano Trio Concert - "Exquisite Contrasts" - Haydn & Schubert on Sunday, November 15, 2026 at 2:30pm. This program brings together two landmarks of the piano trio repertoire, revealing the evolution of the genre from the Classical era to early Romanticism.
Mahwah Museum Hosts "Les Paul from Start to Finish" with Jim Wysocki
(MAHWAH, NJ) -- Come to the Mahwah Museum on Sunday, November 15, 2026 for a discussion of a 29-year friendship, rare memorabilia, and the story behind Les Paul's home with Mahwah Mayor Jim Wysocki from his nearly three-decade friendship with legendary musician and inventor Les Paul. The event begins at 2:00pm.
Atlantic City Punk Rock Flea Market - Holiday Edition to take place on Sunday
(ATLANTIC CITY, NJ) -- You can get your holiday shopping done on Sunday, November 15, 2026 when Anchor Rock Club hosts the Atlantic City Punk Rock Flea Market - Holiday Edition. The event runs from noon to 6:00pm.
Song of the Meadowlark takes place on Sunday in Hopewell
(HOPEWELL, NJ) -- Song of the Meadowlark takes place Sunday, November 15, 2026 at Highland Design Farm. This is a meditative rock odyssey weaving reimagined contemporary songs, stream-of-consciousness poetry, and live painting. Doors are at 2:00pm, showtime is 2:30pm.
Avenel Performing Arts Center presents Chris Smither
(AVENEL, NJ) -- Chris Smither will perform at the Avenel Performing Arts Center on Wednesday, November 18, 2026 at 7:30pm. Born in Miami, during World War II, Chris Smither grew up in New Orleans where he first started playing music as a child. The son of a Tulane University professor, he was taught the rudiments of instrumentation by his uncle on his mother's ukulele.
Rufus Wainwright to Perform with Princeton "Super-Orchestra" at McCarter Theatre
(PRINCETON, NJ) -- On Thursday, November 19, 2026 at 7:30pm, GRAMMY-nominated singer-songwriter Rufus Wainwright takes the McCarter stage for one night only with the Princeton Playhouse Sinfonia, a dynamic new collaborative ensemble created specifically for this concert.
