New Jersey Stage
New Jersey Stage on social media

Have you seen our monthly magazine? It's available for free at

INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday Songs

By Rosemary Conte

originally published: 12/25/2017

INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday Songs

What to Do with A Holiday Tradition

(Sing to the tune of “Makin’ Whoopee”)


Christmas is over. Resolutions are done.

Released all my guilt. Except for just one.

The article continues after this ad


In a world where there’s hunger, I threw in the dumpster,

A WallMart  Fruitcake.


Nobody likes it. It’s hard to digest

It plugs up your plumbing. And you know the rest.

It’s not uplifting. It’s for re-gifting, 

Department store fruitcake.


INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday SongsA di-a-mond is for-ever. A fruitcake is too, I fear.

If I gave someone that fruitcake, I might get it back next year.


Keep it in foil. It ain’t gonna spoil,

It’s dark and it’s rich, like Iranian oil 

My guilt is ending. An idea is blending.

For using Fruitcake.


Send all the fruitcake, off to Iraq

Going that far, we won’t get it back.

A drone for the mission, with Trump’s permission, 

To bomb with fruitcake.


We’ll  make the Middle East, safe for Democra-cy

Picture the world-wide headlines: “U.S. constipates enemy”


It’s hard and it’s heavy. It lands and explodes. 

No mortar no shrapnel, just orange peel and cloves.

No collateral damage. That’s an advantage

Of firing Fruitcake


Let’s turn it over… to the FDA

To pull it from stores by April or May

Don’t wanna destroy it…just wanna deploy it,

Department store Fruitcake! 

              (Big, Bill Murray lounge singer finish)

That Wal-Mart Fruitcake!

INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday Songs

Civics Song

(Sing to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”)


Should old b’grudges be forgot

And never left to roam

In minds of Trenton politics

In the state that I call home.


Oh, legislators we don’t want

Our living costs to climb

Please govern so efficiently 

That I keep the house that’s mine!


INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday SongsTo anyone who didn’t show

This past election day

Are you the one who thought your voice

Wouldn’t matter anyway?


Well, thanks, my friend if you showed up

At the polling place to vote

Phil Murphy has some work to do

(Cutting taxes seems remote.)


He’s gotta get that tunnel dug

From “N” “J” to Gotham town

Then find a way to pay for schools

So our seniors stick around.


Be sure to get what you deserve,

Go to council meetings (free)

Speak up about what’s going on 

In your municipality!


Happy New Year! 

For more by this author, click here

White Eagle Hall Presents Mason Jennings
(JERSEY CITY, NJ) -- White Eagle Hall presents Mason Jennings on Sunday, September 16 at 7:00pm. Jennings is touring in support of his latest album, Songs From When We Met, which was released earlier this year.  Tickets are $20.
Pioneer Productions Presents Wendy-Lane Bailey Women's Work
(DENVILLE, NJ) -- Pioneer Productions kicks off its new Living Room Series with Women’s Work - an evening of songs by female songwriters on September 16 at 6:00pm at the Arthur Murray Studios in Denville. Conceived and performed by singer/storyteller Wendy-Lane Bailey & composer/pianist Michele Brourman it has a funny, sometimes challenging but always defiantly feminine viewpoint that brings the worlds of Broadway, pop, and country together in one show.
Stone Pony To Honor Butch Pielka
(ASBURY PARK, NJ) -- A special day of music to honor the legacy of the original Stone Pony co-owner and manager, Robert “Butch” Pielka, will be held Sunday, October 7, from 2:00 to 9:00pm at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park. The lineup includes reunions of Cats on a Smooth Surface and The Shakes, and Lance Larson.  More names are expected to be added.
Victor Wainwright & The Train To Perform At Lizzie Rose Music Room
(TUCKERTON, NJ) -- The Lizzie Rose Music Room presents Victor Wainwright and the Train on Wednesday, August 22 at 7:30pm. A 3 time BMA Piano Award winner,  BB KING Entertainer of the Year Award Winner, and Band of the Year Award winner, Victor Wainwright is at the top of his game right now.  The band is touring in support of their latest record, The Train, on Ruf Records. Tickets are 30 in advance and $35 at the door.
State Theatre presents Lost 80's Live
(NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ) -- State Theatre New Jersey presents Lost 80’s Live on Saturday, September 20, 2018 at 8:00pm. The Lost 80’s line-up features some of the most iconic bands from the 1980s including A Flock of Seagulls; Wang Chung; Bow Wow Wow; Farrington and Mann, Original Vocalists of When in Rome UK; Naked Eyes; and Animotion. Tickets range from $48-$98.

Let’s Hang On’s Tribute to Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons LIVE! at The Strand
Q: So what do four guys from Pennsylvania, Texas, Tennessee, and Massachusetts — and all currently based out of Florida — have in common with four guys from “Joisey” this summery August 3, 2018 evening at the Strand Theater in Lakewood, NJ?
80's Tribute Band Almost Journey Rocks iPlay America
I never in a million years would have thought about iPlay America in Freehold as being an event venue. To me, it's a place to ride bumper cars, have kids' birthday parties and play video games. Never been there.
The Great Rock N Roll Time Machine LIVE! at Toms River’s Grunin Center
As we make our way inside the Grunin Center of the Arts located on the campus of Ocean County College in Toms River, NJ, this Saturday, July 28, 2018, we see music lovers of all ages. Some of them are wearing street clothes but some are decked out in outfits from the 1970s and ’80s for tonight’s concert by the ’70s and ’80s tribute band, The Great Rock N Roll Time Machine.
Classical Guitarists Alex and Wesley Park LIVE! at The Great Auditorium
The bucolic seashore town of Ocean Grove, NJ is a place designed for quiet reflection and spiritual renewal. An artist sketches in the lush green park off Pilgrim Pathway. Still others read or meditate in the heart of this picturesque village which features gingerbread houses and colorful gardens, all just steps away from the fresh salt air wafting off the blue Atlantic Ocean.
“Rock and Roll Icons!” Hippiefest LIVE! at BergenPAC
A light summer rain is falling outside Englewood, NJ’s BergenPAC this Wednesday July 25, 2018, as music lovers decked out in peace signs, tie-dyed shirts, and bell-bottomed jeans arrive for tonight’s Hippiefest concert event starring Vanilla Fudge, Rick Derringer, Mitch Ryder, and Badfingers’ Joey Molland.

Event calendar
Tuesday, Aug 21, 2018


MEG BERRY / ROB CONNOLLY @ The Saint, Asbury Park - 7:00pm

Quiksilver & Sea.Hear.Now present: Fishbone @ House of Independents, Asbury Park - 7:00pm

The Pierce Sessions @ Pierce Memorial Presbyterian Church, Farmingdale - 7:30pm

Agent Orange @ The Stanhope House, Stanhope - 6:00pm


Saturday Night Fever @ Surflight Theatre, Beach Haven - 2:00pm and 8:00pm

The Lion In Winter @ Cape May Stage, Cape May - 8:00pm

View all events


For more on our awards, click here

New Jersey Stage © 2018 by Wine Time Media, LLC | PO Box 140, Spring Lake, NJ 07762 (732) 280-7625 |

Images used on this site have been sent to us from publicists, artists, and PR firms.
If there is a problem with the rights to any image, please contact us and we will look into the matter.