What to Do with A Holiday Tradition
(Sing to the tune of “Makin’ Whoopee”)
(Verse)
Christmas is over. Resolutions are done.
Released all my guilt. Except for just one.
In a world where there’s hunger, I threw in the dumpster,
A WallMart Fruitcake.
Nobody likes it. It’s hard to digest
It plugs up your plumbing. And you know the rest.
It’s not uplifting. It’s for re-gifting,
Department store fruitcake.
(Chorus)
A di-a-mond is for-ever. A fruitcake is too, I fear.
If I gave someone that fruitcake, I might get it back next year.
(Verse)
Keep it in foil. It ain’t gonna spoil,
It’s dark and it’s rich, like Iranian oil
My guilt is ending. An idea is blending.
For using Fruitcake.
Send all the fruitcake, off to Iraq
Going that far, we won’t get it back.
A drone for the mission, with Trump’s permission,
To bomb with fruitcake.
(Chorus)
We’ll make the Middle East, safe for Democra-cy
Picture the world-wide headlines: “U.S. constipates enemy”
(Verse)
It’s hard and it’s heavy. It lands and explodes.
No mortar no shrapnel, just orange peel and cloves.
No collateral damage. That’s an advantage
Of firing Fruitcake
Let’s turn it over… to the FDA
To pull it from stores by April or May
Don’t wanna destroy it…just wanna deploy it,
Department store Fruitcake!
(Big, Bill Murray lounge singer finish)
That Wal-Mart Fruitcake!
Civics Song
(Sing to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”)
Should old b’grudges be forgot
And never left to roam
In minds of Trenton politics
In the state that I call home.
Oh, legislators we don’t want
Our living costs to climb
Please govern so efficiently
That I keep the house that’s mine!
To anyone who didn’t show
This past election day
Are you the one who thought your voice
Wouldn’t matter anyway?
Well, thanks, my friend if you showed up
At the polling place to vote
Phil Murphy has some work to do
(Cutting taxes seems remote.)
He’s gotta get that tunnel dug
From “N” “J” to Gotham town
Then find a way to pay for schools
So our seniors stick around.
Be sure to get what you deserve,
Go to council meetings (free)
Speak up about what’s going on
In your municipality!
Happy New Year!
Join us for McCarter at the Museum - renowned performing artists in one-night only events at the Princeton University Art Museum.
Jason Robert Brown is a four-time Tony Award-winning composer and lyricist of The Last Five Years, Parade, Songs for a New World, 13, The Bridges of Madison County, Honeymoon In Vegas and The Connector, has performed as a soloist or with his band in venues around the world, including sold-out shows at the London Palladium and Carnegie Hall. His albums as a singer-songwriter include Wearing Someone Else’s Clothes and How We React and How We Recover on Ghostlight, and Coming From Inside the House and Live In Concert with Stephen Sondheim on Concord.
With Special Guest Tony nominee Betsy Wolfe. Tony Award-nominated actress Betsy Wolfe is currently starring as Audrey in the acclaimed Off-Broadway production of Little Shop of Horrors, following her recent Broadway run as Madeline Ashton in the hit musical Death Becomes Her. She previously originated the title role in Joy, the new musical inspired by inventor Joy Mangano, and earned a 2023 Tony Award nomination for Best Featured Actress in a Musical for her celebrated performance as Anne Hathaway in & Juliet. Other Broadway credits include starring as Jenna in Waitress, Cordelia in the acclaimed revival of Falsettos, Bullets Over Broadway, The Mystery of Edwin Drood, Everyday Rapture, and 110 in the Shade, as well as her critically acclaimed performance as Cathy in the Off-Broadway revival of The Last Five Years. Wolfe made her Metropolitan Opera debut in Die Fledermaus and has appeared as a guest artist with more than 65 symphony, pops, and philharmonic orchestras worldwide, including the New York Philharmonic and BBC Symphony Orchestra, with performances at Carnegie Hall and the Kennedy Center. Her screen credits include First One In, Estella Scrooge, CBS’s Instinct, and the film adaptation of The Last Five Years. Wolfe is also the co-founder of BroadwayEvolved, the acclaimed musical theatre training program she launched in 2018 to train and mentor the next generation of theatre artists.
A limited number of early access tickets for McCarter Director’s Circle members and members of the Museum’s Partner Circle are available, on sale Wednesday, September 16, 2026 at 12:00 PM. General public on sale begins Friday, September 18, 2026 at 12:00 PM.
Please be aware there is no public drop-off or parking at the Museum. For visitors with mobility needs, please contact the Museum at least three business days in advance of your visit to request special access to the Museum via Elm Drive. Call 609-258-3788 and select option 1 to speak to a visitor services staff member, or email Louise Barrett at [email protected].
