By Rosemary Conte
originally published: 12/25/2017
What to Do with A Holiday Tradition
(Sing to the tune of “Makin’ Whoopee”)
(Verse)
Christmas is over. Resolutions are done.
Released all my guilt. Except for just one.
In a world where there’s hunger, I threw in the dumpster,
A WallMart Fruitcake.
Nobody likes it. It’s hard to digest
It plugs up your plumbing. And you know the rest.
It’s not uplifting. It’s for re-gifting,
Department store fruitcake.
(Chorus)
A di-a-mond is for-ever. A fruitcake is too, I fear.
If I gave someone that fruitcake, I might get it back next year.
(Verse)
Keep it in foil. It ain’t gonna spoil,
It’s dark and it’s rich, like Iranian oil
My guilt is ending. An idea is blending.
For using Fruitcake.
Send all the fruitcake, off to Iraq
Going that far, we won’t get it back.
A drone for the mission, with Trump’s permission,
To bomb with fruitcake.
(Chorus)
We’ll make the Middle East, safe for Democra-cy
Picture the world-wide headlines: “U.S. constipates enemy”
(Verse)
It’s hard and it’s heavy. It lands and explodes.
No mortar no shrapnel, just orange peel and cloves.
No collateral damage. That’s an advantage
Of firing Fruitcake
Let’s turn it over… to the FDA
To pull it from stores by April or May
Don’t wanna destroy it…just wanna deploy it,
Department store Fruitcake!
(Big, Bill Murray lounge singer finish)
That Wal-Mart Fruitcake!
Civics Song
(Sing to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”)
Should old b’grudges be forgot
And never left to roam
In minds of Trenton politics
In the state that I call home.
Oh, legislators we don’t want
Our living costs to climb
Please govern so efficiently
That I keep the house that’s mine!
To anyone who didn’t show
This past election day
Are you the one who thought your voice
Wouldn’t matter anyway?
Well, thanks, my friend if you showed up
At the polling place to vote
Phil Murphy has some work to do
(Cutting taxes seems remote.)
He’s gotta get that tunnel dug
From “N” “J” to Gotham town
Then find a way to pay for schools
So our seniors stick around.
Be sure to get what you deserve,
Go to council meetings (free)
Speak up about what’s going on
In your municipality!
Happy New Year!
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Singer/songwriter Evening In The Round
Saturday, November 07, 2026 @ 7:30pm
Lizzie Rose Music Room
217 E. Main Street, Tuckerton, NJSomething Special a round robin evening of music featuring a group of the finest singer/songwriter from our local area who come together for this one of a kind show not be missed
Freestyle Takeover 3
Saturday, November 07, 2026 @ 7:00pm
Carteret Performing Arts & Events Center
46 Washington Ave, Carteret, NJStarring Cynthia, The Jets, George Lamond, Johnny O, Nyasia, Denine and hosted by Dom G! Freaturing Dare Goes Da DJzz. After-Party available for additional fee. (Must purchase a show ticket to buy the After Party ticket)
The Righteous Brothers: Lovin’ Feelin’ Farewell Tour
Sunday, November 08, 2026 @ 3:00pm
Mayo Performing Arts Center (MPAC)
100 South Street, Morristown, NJBlue-eyed soul pioneers The Righteous Brothers are back! With a string of #1 clas-sics, including the most played song in radio history,
You’ve Lost
That Lovin’ Fee/in’, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame duo of Bill Medley and Bobby Hatfield topped the charts in four decades. After Bobby’s death in 2003, Bill Medley con-tinued to perform to sold-out crowds around the world, but fans and friends pleaded with him to keep The Righteous Brothers alive.
Beat: Belew/vai/levin/bozzio Performing The Music Of King Crimson
Monday, November 09, 2026 @ 8:00pm
NJPAC - Prudential Hall
1 Center Street, Newark, NJFollowing more than 100 acclaimed performances across North and South America, Europe, and Japan, BEAT returns this fall for the last North American tour. Former King Crimson members Adrian Belew and Tony Levin are joined by guitar virtuoso Steve Vai and legendary drummer Terry Bozzio to perform the music of the three landmark 1980s King Crimson albums—Discipline, Beat, and Three of a Perfect Pair.
Joe Russo's Almost Dead
Thursday, November 12, 2026 @ 7:30pm
State Theatre New Jersey
15 Livingston Avenue, New Brunswick, NJJoe Russo's Almost Dead is Marco Benevento, Dave Dreiwitz, Tom Hamilton, Scott Metzger and Joe Russo. We're a Grateful Dead cover band.
EVENT PREVIEWS
Rick Steves Joins New Jersey Symphony for a Symphonic Journey Through Europe
(MORRISTOWN, NJ) -- Guidebook author and public television host Rick Steves joins New Jersey Symphony November 7–8, 2026 for Rick Steves' Europe: A Symphonic Journey, a concert that pairs Europe's most stirring Romantic-era anthems with high-definition travel footage and Steves' insights into European history.
Albert Music Hall to Celebrate Pinelands Folklore with Annual Jersey Devil Show on Saturday
(WARETOWN, NJ) -- Halloween may have come and gone, but the Jersey Devil is always lurking in the Pines! On Saturday, November 7, 2026, Albert Music Hall will celebrate one of New Jersey's most enduring legends with its annual Jersey Devil Show, an evening combining live music, storytelling, and the rich folklore of the New Jersey Pinelands.
The Newton Theatre presents Puss N Boots featuring Norah Jones, Sasha Dobson, and Catherine Popper
(NEWTON, NJ) -- The Newton Theatre presents Puss N Boots featuring Norah Jones, Sasha Dobson, and Catherine Popper on Sunday, November 8, 2026 at 7:00pm.
Grunin Center's "Jazz on a Sunday Afternoon" Celebrates 100 Years of Louis Armstrong's Hot Five Recordings
(TOMS RIVER, NJ) -- The Jay and Linda Grunin Center for the Arts' "Jazz on a Sunday Afternoon" series brings a century of jazz history to the stage this fall with a celebration of Louis Armstrong's groundbreaking Hot Five recordings, featuring trumpeter Andrew Stephens on Sunday, November 8, 2026 at 3:00pm.
U.K. Folk Trio, The Longest Johns, to Perform at The Vogel
(RED BANK, NJ) -- U.K. folk trio The Longest Johns will perform at the Vogel on Sunday, November 8, 2026. They are are known the world over for their rollicking harmonies and raucous energy, blowing new wind into the sails of traditional sea shanties and work songs. They are on a U.S. tour to support their latest release End of the Earth. Showtime is 7:00pm.
State Theatre New Jersey and Relix present Joe Russo's Almost Dead
(NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ) -- State Theatre New Jersey and Relix present Joe Russo's Almost Dead on Thursday, November 12, 2026 at 7:30pm. The band was formed in Brooklyn, NY in 2013. While they are a Grateful Dead cover band, they are known more for interpreting songs by the Dead rather than attempting to replicate the band's work.
NJPAC presents Gregory Porter with special guests Madeleine Peyroux and Catherine Russell
(NEWARK, NJ) -- With a voice that can fill a concert hall and make every listener feel personally embraced, Gregory Porter has become one of the most beloved artists in contemporary jazz. On Friday, November 13, 2026 at 8:00pm, the two-time GRAMMY® winner returns to the New Jersey Performing Arts Center (NJPAC) with special guests Madeleine Peyroux and Catherine Russell for an evening of soulful expression, exquisite storytelling and remarkable vocal artistry, presented as part of the TD James Moody Jazz Festival.
Forte Piano Music Company presents Exquisite Contrasts: Haydn & Schubert Piano Trios
(PARAMUS, NJ) -- The Forte Piano Music Company presents a Piano Trio Concert - "Exquisite Contrasts" - Haydn & Schubert on Sunday, November 15, 2026 at 2:30pm. This program brings together two landmarks of the piano trio repertoire, revealing the evolution of the genre from the Classical era to early Romanticism.
Mahwah Museum Hosts "Les Paul from Start to Finish" with Jim Wysocki
(MAHWAH, NJ) -- Come to the Mahwah Museum on Sunday, November 15, 2026 for a discussion of a 29-year friendship, rare memorabilia, and the story behind Les Paul's home with Mahwah Mayor Jim Wysocki from his nearly three-decade friendship with legendary musician and inventor Les Paul. The event begins at 2:00pm.
Princeton Folk Music Society presents Kate Taylor
(PRINCETON, NJ) — The Princeton Folk Music Society presents Kate Taylor on Friday, November 20, 2026 in an evening of upbeat and bubbling song filled with enthusiasm and love. The concert takes place at Christ Congregation Church in Princeton. Showtime is 8:00pm. A livestream option is available as well.
