INSIDE MUSIC: A Pair Of Holiday Songs

By Rosemary Conte
originally published: 12/25/2017

What to Do with A Holiday Tradition

(Sing to the tune of “Makin’ Whoopee”)

           (Verse)

Christmas is over. Resolutions are done.

Released all my guilt. Except for just one.

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In a world where there’s hunger, I threw in the dumpster,

A WallMart  Fruitcake.

 

Nobody likes it. It’s hard to digest

It plugs up your plumbing. And you know the rest.

It’s not uplifting. It’s for re-gifting, 

Department store fruitcake.

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              (Chorus)

A di-a-mond is for-ever. A fruitcake is too, I fear.

If I gave someone that fruitcake, I might get it back next year.

              (Verse)

Keep it in foil. It ain’t gonna spoil,

It’s dark and it’s rich, like Iranian oil 

My guilt is ending. An idea is blending.

For using Fruitcake.

 

Send all the fruitcake, off to Iraq

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Going that far, we won’t get it back.

A drone for the mission, with Trump’s permission, 

To bomb with fruitcake.

                (Chorus)

We’ll  make the Middle East, safe for Democra-cy

Picture the world-wide headlines: “U.S. constipates enemy”

                (Verse)

It’s hard and it’s heavy. It lands and explodes. 

No mortar no shrapnel, just orange peel and cloves.

No collateral damage. That’s an advantage

Of firing Fruitcake

 

Let’s turn it over… to the FDA

To pull it from stores by April or May

Don’t wanna destroy it…just wanna deploy it,

Department store Fruitcake! 

              (Big, Bill Murray lounge singer finish)

That Wal-Mart Fruitcake!

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Civics Song

(Sing to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”)

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Should old b’grudges be forgot

And never left to roam

In minds of Trenton politics

In the state that I call home.

 

Oh, legislators we don’t want

Our living costs to climb

Please govern so efficiently 

That I keep the house that’s mine!

 

To anyone who didn’t show

This past election day

Are you the one who thought your voice

Wouldn’t matter anyway?

 

Well, thanks, my friend if you showed up

At the polling place to vote

Phil Murphy has some work to do

(Cutting taxes seems remote.)

 

He’s gotta get that tunnel dug

From “N” “J” to Gotham town

Then find a way to pay for schools

So our seniors stick around.

 

Be sure to get what you deserve,

Go to council meetings (free)

Speak up about what’s going on 

In your municipality!

 

Happy New Year! 

 

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